you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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