Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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