She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize