um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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