I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
