you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
