the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
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I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
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His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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