Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
