I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
