honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
