At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
