You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
