my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
