My vagina just recognized that song.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
