Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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