my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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