The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
