shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
