Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think I am morally bankrupt
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Randomize
