ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
