bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
