you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
