Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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