I just threw up on my dentist
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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