In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
