Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
