Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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