worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
