The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
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She even gives head with a lisp.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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