Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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