she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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