I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
