You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
