pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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