apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize