Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
