i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
