I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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