yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
