I have demons in me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
