Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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