you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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