You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
