idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
