I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
