My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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