my sisters under your porch take her home
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
