We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
