Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
