hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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