I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
