just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
