All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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