What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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