wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.