Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.