Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!

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(715): HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?! http://tfl.nu/1izj

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(281): View more from Texas

Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.

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(281): Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit. http://tfl.nu/j2fi

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.

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(412): His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'. http://tfl.nu/510f

Replies (26) Good night (4995) Bad night (1989) Order T-Shirt
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(808): View more from Hawaii

Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD

(206): View more from Washington

Or, you could have used a condom

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(808): Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD (206): Or, you could have used a condom http://tfl.nu/0l3i

Replies (35) Good night (1020) Bad night (6683)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

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(609): Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class http://tfl.nu/440m

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(201): View more from New Jersey

we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.

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(201): we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday. http://tfl.nu/gckh

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(925): View more from California

I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.

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(925): I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time. http://tfl.nu/c4ll

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(213): View more from California

dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.

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(213): dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring. http://tfl.nu/vd81

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.

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(401): I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails. http://tfl.nu/8vyo

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.

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(814): The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate. http://tfl.nu/mnoh

Replies (9) Good night (671) Bad night (3906)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

How bad is the voicemail?

(1-864): View more from South Carolina

You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.

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(864): How bad is the voicemail? (1-864): You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole. http://tfl.nu/kbpy

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(505): View more from New Mexico

We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.

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(505): We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon. http://tfl.nu/nv69

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday

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(215): trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday http://tfl.nu/9goc

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.

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(505): He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise. http://tfl.nu/7qvp

Replies (8) Good night (2021) Bad night (798)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina

(513): View more from Ohio

Post that event on your timeline

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(812): Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina (513): Post that event on your timeline http://tfl.nu/4t95

Replies (31) Good night (1518) Bad night (305)

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