I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
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I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
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nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.