i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
