We're like a lot better than the average bears
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
