you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
