Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
