How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
