Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
