If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
