The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
