There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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