it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
