I wanna bring you to show and tell
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
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That's how twitter works, right?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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