you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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