were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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