So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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